It was, like, deep

It threatens my status as a total un-Type A personality, but I do keep a few lists, updated regularly. Not To-Do lists, mind you. No, no. These are more important lists.

One of the biggest is People I Can Do Without. I like to think it's self-explanatory. As are some of its subsets: People I Wish Would Dry Up and Blow Away and People Who Should Just Get Over Themselves.

Here are some of my latest entries:

1. Britney Spears. I don't know about you, but I think if I hear one more word about how broken up Britney and Justin are over their breakup, who they're currently boffing or how they're writing message songs to one another, I think I'll scream. The latest last straw was the news of her appearance at the Sundance Film Festival. The pop diva showed up for a screening of a Holly Hunter film, complete with entourage (which is a French phrase meaning `people I pay to kiss my ass'). They played with their cell phones and talked over the film, then walked out in a huff. Her comment to the New York Post: ``Sundance is weird. The movies are weird. You actually have to think about them when you watch them.'' Whatever is the world coming to? Think? At a movie?
   
   
2. Whitney Houston. Excuse me. Crack is too cheap? Does that mean she prefers designer drugs? Has Versace come out with a new, expensive high?
   
   
3. Trista Rehn. The Bachelorette. Please. She reminds me too much of those girls in junior high that I always wanted to date, but were busy checking boys off her dance card and basking in the accumulated glow of excessive adoration.
   
   
4. Jimmy Kimmel. I always knew there was a place to go if you were terminally unfunny. I just didn't know it was replacing Bill Maher.
   
   
5. George Will. Just because you can spell erudite doesn't mean you are. Bending facts to meet your twisted agenda is one thing – ignoring them is quite another. Unforgivable.
   
   
6. Anyone who has ever had anything to do with Jackass. 'Nuff said.
   
   
7. Ann Coulter. It used to be that they put you away for being stark-raving mad. Now they give you a column and let you publish the most vile drivel. What a country.
   
   
8. Christopher Hitchens. Let the man just drown himself in his scotch bottle and go away. He's already sold off any integrity he ever had, which is debatable, and his friends, all for a chance to kiss up to Richard Mellon Scaife, et al. Let him live out his Leaving Las Vegas fantasy in peace.
   
   
9. Joe Millionaire. He's poor. He's rich. Whatever. He's D-U-L-L.
   
   
10. The guy that needs an in-depth explanation of the Swiss Water decaffeination process at the Starbucks drive-up window while I'm trying to just get my venti vanilla latte so I can be on my way. There's a separate ring of Hell reserved for this guy.
    

More soon.