Contrary to what some of my friends might think, I do date. Occasionally. Well, occasionally might be stretching it. Once in a blue moon might be more accurate. And you know how often blue moons roll around.

For starters, I totally despise the dating process – I hate bars. I cannot abide meet markets – partly because I get passed over more often than last week's ground chuck. And lately I've turned grayer than last week's ground chuck. My days of being young and hip are over. Now I remember when I was young and hope I don't need a hip replacement

But being an old dog does have some advantages. I now know that there are some critical questions that must be asked. And it embarrasses me – because the information I need comes from a question I never believed I would ask.

``What's your sign?'

How leisure suit can you get?

To my credit, when I ask that question, I don't ask with that '70's, inquisitive air. It's not like I give a rat's you-now-what anyone's sign is. With one possible exception.

I've just learned there's only one way for me to get along with an Aries woman – turn tail and run like hell!

Okay, okay, okay – I know. It's not nice to make generalities like that. Nothing against Aries women – they're fine people. I wish them all the best. Maybe it's just that I'm allergic to them.

I was married to an Aries. Not learning from that experience, I dated two other Aries women after my divorce. Next time, I'll just opt for a baseball bat upside my head instead.

I am a Geminii. Not that I'm all that sure what that means, in its entirety. I know that's the sign of the twins. And BOTH of us are allergic to Aries.

From my experience with this particular Fire sign, I have noted that there are three favorite topics of conversation with an Aries:

`Me.'

`Me.'

And `What do YOU think about me?'

In hindsight, I have noticed the pattern. There is a powerful, initial attraction. And by the time the sizzle dies down, I end up with a ring in my nose and the world revolves around her. Maybe it's just that I'm too laid back and easy-going to get along with a Type A personality – I'm convince that the term Type A refers to Aries.

But I'm not bitter. No. Not me.

I know there are exceptions out there. Not that I'm all that anxious to find out.

So I am now looking for a single woman, who's sign is ABA. Anything But Aries.

But I am open to suggestions. Please. Anything. Any idea at all. I'm not proud.

More soon.