The People's Choice Awards have come and gone. The $34,000 gift baskets have been passed out to the presenters and the Osbornes have had their mouths washed out with industrial-strength soap. Television execs have taken note of the winners, so allow me to introduce you to the new fall lineup coming to a network near you:
CSI: Dubuque. In the pilot episode the crime scene investigators look into a case involving tainted lutefisk. The problem is – with lutefisk, how do you know it's tainted? Keeping with the theme of resurrecting actors who bailed on a successful series after one year, the new head tech for this CSI is Farrah Fawcett.
10 Simple Rules for Dating My Accountant Boyfriend. Joyce DeWitt returns to network television as a divorced mother of two precocious teenagers who's dating an executive from H&R Block.
The Boones. Pat Robertson's cable empire leaps into the world of reality programming by bringing a weekly hour with Pat Boone and his raucous family. The highlight of the first episode is when Pat is forced to say `Oh, Fudge' when the jack slips and the family sedan falls on his foot.
Survivor. The good folks who have brought us tropical islands, Australia and Africa have taken a tip from Emiril Legasse and `kicked it up a notch.' This time, the crew moves on to New York, where 12 carefully chosen people tackle the return counter at Macy's on December 26. The Las Vegas line on the winner points to – surprise – no survivors.
Friends. The show gets a makeover when NBC moves the Osborne's in next door to the cheeky half-dozen. The new season gets a kick-start when Sharon lifts her skirt and flashes Ross, who remains speechless for the remainder of the series. Kelly gives the show a culture clash when she beats the snot out of Rachel, and Joey finally finds his calling, acting as an interpreter for Ozzy. Monica, meanwhile, has a standing order for special brownies.
Everybody Loves Frodo. CBS capitalizes on the Lord of the Rings' popularity with this series about a put-upon, mama's-boy hobbit. Gandalf, who lives across the street, imposes himself on Frodo's relationship with his wife, played by the ever-cheeky Jane Krakowski. Samwise, who lives with Gandalf and a few, assorted elves, drops by regularly for comic relief.
My Big Fat Greek Business. Taking a page from the award-winning movie, Telly Savalas is resurrected to head the cast on this new sitcom – where the words `Never Leave Our Customer's Behind' takes on a whole new meaning.
And finally – The Bachelorette Gazillionaire. In this new twist, the producers have found a Detroit prostitute who makes just $12,000 a year after paying for her own bail and giving her pimp his cut. They dress her up in Versace originals, put her in a mansion in the Hamptons and watch the Viagra-infused, geriatric millionaires beat a path to her door. Ana Nicole turned down the role during pre-production. ``Been there, done that,'' she slurred.
As you can see, the Apocalypse is definitely upon us.
More soon.
CSI: Dubuque. In the pilot episode the crime scene investigators look into a case involving tainted lutefisk. The problem is – with lutefisk, how do you know it's tainted? Keeping with the theme of resurrecting actors who bailed on a successful series after one year, the new head tech for this CSI is Farrah Fawcett.
10 Simple Rules for Dating My Accountant Boyfriend. Joyce DeWitt returns to network television as a divorced mother of two precocious teenagers who's dating an executive from H&R Block.
The Boones. Pat Robertson's cable empire leaps into the world of reality programming by bringing a weekly hour with Pat Boone and his raucous family. The highlight of the first episode is when Pat is forced to say `Oh, Fudge' when the jack slips and the family sedan falls on his foot.
Survivor. The good folks who have brought us tropical islands, Australia and Africa have taken a tip from Emiril Legasse and `kicked it up a notch.' This time, the crew moves on to New York, where 12 carefully chosen people tackle the return counter at Macy's on December 26. The Las Vegas line on the winner points to – surprise – no survivors.
Friends. The show gets a makeover when NBC moves the Osborne's in next door to the cheeky half-dozen. The new season gets a kick-start when Sharon lifts her skirt and flashes Ross, who remains speechless for the remainder of the series. Kelly gives the show a culture clash when she beats the snot out of Rachel, and Joey finally finds his calling, acting as an interpreter for Ozzy. Monica, meanwhile, has a standing order for special brownies.
Everybody Loves Frodo. CBS capitalizes on the Lord of the Rings' popularity with this series about a put-upon, mama's-boy hobbit. Gandalf, who lives across the street, imposes himself on Frodo's relationship with his wife, played by the ever-cheeky Jane Krakowski. Samwise, who lives with Gandalf and a few, assorted elves, drops by regularly for comic relief.
My Big Fat Greek Business. Taking a page from the award-winning movie, Telly Savalas is resurrected to head the cast on this new sitcom – where the words `Never Leave Our Customer's Behind' takes on a whole new meaning.
And finally – The Bachelorette Gazillionaire. In this new twist, the producers have found a Detroit prostitute who makes just $12,000 a year after paying for her own bail and giving her pimp his cut. They dress her up in Versace originals, put her in a mansion in the Hamptons and watch the Viagra-infused, geriatric millionaires beat a path to her door. Ana Nicole turned down the role during pre-production. ``Been there, done that,'' she slurred.
As you can see, the Apocalypse is definitely upon us.
More soon.
posted by wurdsmith at
10:12 PM
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